The Future

So I'm 27 years old.  So far, it's been a good year.  It also feels like there are some new ventures up ahead. 
Here are some things I am pondering:
-graduation from nursing school May 2011 (the 20th, if you really want to know)
-transition into a new role at hospice as an RN
-purchasing a home
-continue to pursue my goal of foster care/adoption
-create my own family, made up of those people dearest to me, those not related by blood
-would love to return to Africa, although I'm not quite sure what that looks like or when that will happen
-need to keep walking down this long road of healing, seeking wholeness and health in all aspects of my life

There's just so much to do...

The Difficult Road

The Journey
by Mary Oliver


One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice—
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do—
determined to save
the only life you could save.

Missing you

Dear Sweet Boy,

I was thinking about you today.  Like I do every day.  My heart feels heavier than usual today because of how much I miss you.  An acquaintance that I haven't seen in a few months asked about you the other day.  I didn't know what to say.  My eyes got watery.  I quickly changed the subject.  A friend's little boy, who is about your age, is building up quite a vocabulary.  I wonder what you are saying these days.  I would love to be able to teach you words, like car, hot, or kitty.  It would be fun to make animal sounds too.  I remember how much you used to smile when I made the sound of a horsey.  

You will experience your first Easter egg hunt this year.  I wonder what that will be like for you.  You will look adorable holding your basket, I know that for sure.  I try to imagine what you look like.  If I didn't have pictures, I'm afraid you would feel like a figment of my imagination.  Your Christmas picture is the last one I have of you.  It hangs on my refrigerator so I can see you everyday.  I have a special box and journal for you.  I hope one day I can give it to you.  So far, I have saved one of your burp cloths, a onesie you slept in at my house, your books, diaper pad, toys, even your little spoons.  I also put in the sippy cup you never used.  I bought that before you were even born.  I will probably add your Easter card to the box and all the pictures I have of you.

Sweet boy, know that Auntie Carli loves you more than you will ever realize. Even if you don't know who I am. 
xoxo